When my body, mind, and soul are all broken
I am sorry to have to convey the purity of my feelings with such pathetic sentences. But having human in my heart is a burden indeed. A family, a bestfriends, a just friends, a someone know. I occasionally scream when I was drowning in the box deepen my sea. No one will be there. None of them came.
Going through the rehabilitation phase after ACL surgery is the most grueling thing in my life. And leaving me traumatized, this is when I started to face the hardest phase.
I lost my light. The light within me dimmed so painfully. I must go find that peace by myself, I will let go all of you, I let go of all those memories. Words asking for help to people again is meaningless. I wrote a few years ago.....I’m telling you not to read this.
I don’t really care about all of you. Maybe you see that I have great empathy and care about your problems, but actually, I’m numb. I only answer your problem when I feel “okay, I’m fine,” not because I’m “oh God, how is this.”
Because I know that all humans in this world that I know are like that. I feel like I’ve also talked about how humans are when they’re in trouble and plagued with problems; they indeed tend to only think about themselves. What do you think they came to you for? It’s because they’re free. If they are “busy” you are forgotten.
It has written on June, 2022. When I was bleeding. Without realizing it, it also describes me perfectly. Because I am a part of humanity. I know that probably only 1 out of 10 will be able to read this half-length caption. That's humanity.
That’s the human being nature. It was okay and is always okay.
And it still has been existing.
I will go silence. Finding my spiritual soul alone. Just how my therapist said before that body, mind, and soul are one and connected to each other. Now, they are all broken. The reality about why my psychologist told me that dealing with reality and trauma is not easy. I have given everyone a chance and sadly they have been busy with their life and their own business.
Therefore, I will find God somehow to survive. As it is already. The one who is always flawlessly perfect to hang on to, look up to, expect and ask for help. Help to save my fragile body, depressed mind, and sorrowful soul. When I go back to Him, I know honestly I lost nothing.
I'm not ashamed to share this by writing it down. I know there are many people out there who can't express so this can be a recap of my saved journey.
Calm down, I love everyone. I love people. I love all my family, my friends and anyone who prays for me. This time, I just wanna choose myself over others. I wanna be selfish first until my body, mind, and soul are back to normal.
