In the name of Allah
Bismillah.
There are many things that happen in life that you only realize their meaning, importance, and value after they have happened for years.
No one ever knows the exact timing. No one knows and can answer the question “When?” let alone with how.
A person meets her destiny exactly like an arrow that hits the target. Today or tomorrow only Allah knows the secret.
Sometimes, it is at the very last moment of despair that a glimmer of hope comes. When we feel unworthy. When we are humbling ourselves. It turns out that it triggers the hatred of God who has given a high price for this self.
To get to this point, maybe we have sacrificed each other’s blood more than the required level. Many things are contrary to our conscience that we do. Asking this and that without knowing the consequences. As well as asking this and that carelessly without realizing that God is All-Hearing. More powerful than what humans perceive.
It turns out, God’s guidance is indeed a mystery. It only comes to who He wants.
As it turns out, there is something more painful than being poor. That is realizing the possibility of God turning His face away because of our mistakes. That is the possibility of God leaving us because of our inability to protect ourselves and restrain our desires. That is the possibility of being deprived of the pleasure of being able to be close to God and being helped with all our needs even before asking. Although this connotation is just a silly thing because God never abandons His servants and is always the Most Compassionate again the Most Merciful to His creation.
Who am I to dare to perceive bad things about God when He has given me everything. More and will always be more than I ask. And somehow always fulfill my needs. And I will never be able to count His kindness.
In the name of Allah, I am writing this for me to reread at a later time.
About the shame of turning my back on my Lord when I have realized that the greatest loss is losing God when He has given sufficiency and everything without pause.
About my inability to hold back and take care of myself.
About how stupid and helpless I am in the face of the time I have been given.
About the pleasure and gratitude that I often betray.
About my life that is always fulfilled by good things.
I will re-read this when I go the wrong way and Allah still loves me by giving me a chance. And Allah’s love is a certainty while my stability on the straight path is something that is easiest to change in the blink of an eye.
In the name of Allah, I pray that whoever reads this will be given spaciousness of heart, generosity of fortune, health of body and soul, and the ability to enjoy worship to the fullest. And of course, the opportunity to correct her mistakes. The opportunity to have the end of life according to what Allah intends.
Aameen.
