A Letter To Myself

Hello, great me. I am so proud of you!

Alhamdulillah.
2021 is really hard, isn’t it? Crazy, huh? Are you tired of missing it?

Problems with burdens come and go; the harder it is for your shoulders, all expectations are aimed at you.

You are still trying to get to know yourself. 2021 is a crazy year. I’m sure everyone else is crazy about it too. You’re not alone, baby.

What you feel so far is valid; you are sad, angry, disappointed, happy, crying, laughing, depressed. It’s all real. It’s like a roller coaster of emotions. It does not matter. Reasonable. If you feel all emotions, that’s a sign that you are human.

Humans have little capacity to handle everything.

Humans with limited visibility.

Humans who can’t handle all problems.

Humans can not satisfy everyone’s heart.

Lone human. People who really need help.

Humans are weak and make a lot of mistakes.

Imperfect human in this perfect life. Perfect, which means balanced. Balance. Good bad there. Attached to humans. Yourself. Us.

Thank you for sticking around like this.

Thank you for wanting to keep going even though the gravel on this road is getting sharper, hotter, and stranger.

Thank you for accepting all your shortcomings.

Accept that you are wrong; you have many faults and bad qualities.

I can say 2021 is the year of self-acceptance. Years of understanding yourself and your circumstances. Then slowly accept who you are. What kind of person whose parents. What position are you in now? And all the things that cling to the one you, baby.

Thank you for not giving up when confused about what to do.

Do you still remember how strong you are walking alone in the hospital hallway, seeing the people around you have family, have friends to talk to while you do everything alone? Come, walk, sit, go home alone. Wow, it turns out that you spent a lot of time alone this year.

Maybe God is giving you time to communicate with yourself. To know who you are and what you want in the future. To satisfy yourself.

You still remember the moment when you couldn’t walk, and then you screamed and cried under the pillow?

Very sad when we think about it. Life is just a pain; life is just a burden. Until you have the heart to think about running away. You said you ran away for a while. You are fed up with everything. Fed up with the house. A house that once could not be used as a place to go home. But, the proof you can get here in the following year.

Most self-talking years. Because you know you have no other human to talk to about anything. However, you realize that you still have yourself to make friends with, exchange ideas, and dialogue like two people.

Thank you for realizing that you are a human being that you should prioritize and make happy. People you should know and understand the most. The human can have enough.

Thank you for making me more mature. More simple thinking. Less complicated head.

Thank you so much for getting through this year. Years in which the graph of the cliff is more dominant than the hill. Critical year.

You also realize that the problem will never become less and less as time passes. However, the problem will creep up steadily. Heavier. Harder.

What makes our life easy is not how big the problem is but how we deal with it.

How do we deal with the trials in life that are getting crazier by the day? How we view life. Thanks for being aware of that.

Thank you for wanting to move to be self-sufficient.

Thank you for realizing that happiness is absolutely your responsibility, not someone else’s.

Thank you for starting your commitment that happiness does not depend on other people. Enough with yourself. Self-sufficient with love, affection, attention, and different inner needs. Sufficiency leads to maturity. To build relationships with other humans, the basis is sharing, not depending and asking. Because you’ve had enough of yourself.

And I’m sorry to make you go through hard things this year. But, I can’t promise that next year will be easier. Because you know for yourself that the older you get, the more difficult the challenges will be.

Let’s live next year with a bolder mentality. I’m ready to fall, ready to fall, ready to go to the abyss, ready to be crazy trials because I believe that I can always get up.

Bismillah.